WWW.SARAHAKRE.COM

SEPTEMBER FUNNIES

Doctor Bloom who was known for miraculous cures for arthritis had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, completely bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office, and, amazingly, emerged within half an hour walking completely erect with her head held high.

A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this walked up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?"

The little old lady said, "he gave me a longer cane."

SEPTEMBER FUNNIES

NEWS FLASH! - Tennessee's worst air disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two Univ. of Tennessee students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today.

Search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.

SEPTEMBER FUNNIES

A group of Tennessee friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

"Where's Henry?" the others asked.

"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.

"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.

"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!

SEPTEMBER FUNNIES

The owner of a golf course in Tennessee was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the Univ. of Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

You gotta love those Tennessee women.

Another Blonde Joke Donated By My Blonde Auntie!! :o) Thank You Sherrie!

Homer, a handsome dude, walks into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sits down next to this blonde at the bar and stares up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looks at Homer and says, " Do you think he will jump?"

Homer says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't.

Homer placed $20 dollars on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 dollars to Homer and said, "All is fair. Here is your money."

Homer replies, " I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."

The blonde replies, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."

High Hopes

He found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widowed father died. Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening, he goes to a singles bar, where he spots the most beautiful woman he's ever seen, her natural beauty takes his breath away. "I may look just like an ordinary man," he says, as he walks up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with Charles that evening, and the next day, she became his stepmother.

When will men ever learn?

NOT MY PAZZO...

1. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and put both lids up.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids.(You may need to stand on the lid. ) The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. (Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.)

4. Flush the toilet three or four times. (This provides a "power-wash "and "rinse".)

5. Have someone open the door to the outside. (Be sure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.)

6. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

7. The now clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself off. The toilet will be sparkling clean!

Sincerely, The Dog

Idiots on the computer Cont...

10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring that the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

12. True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp: Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a "cup holder"?" Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer." Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped; it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, like at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?" Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!

Another well-known one that I can add is the true tale of the user who called up complaining that the instructions said to load the four diskettes into "Drive A" but he couldn't possibly get more than two in.

Idiots on the computer Cont...

7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends," the customer replied. When told "Egghead" was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."

8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

Idiots on the computer Cont...

4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.

5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was then heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.

6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.